A Note to Caretakers (We Are All Potentials)

 

Gray – I have said before and it is true, this has been the most incredible journey of my my life. So far. I wanted to give a note to caretakers of those who suffer with a disease in hopes you will be better prepared along with a glimpse into what to expect.

First understand it is not anyone’s fault or choosing that someone you care for has disease. It is OK to ask why…just don’t expect an answer.

I left the house headed for work the other day and came back for a forgotten item, then 10 minutes later had to go back again for my cell phone… get used to it.

Realize in many ways you are the only safe place for your loved one to vent. They have no control, they get frustrated, they are confined to a finite space. Can you imagine? Allow them to vent. Be that safe place as best you can.

Remember you are in a fight too. You have areas you have no control of. I can’t stop my mind anymore. It runs non-stop. You have to find places where you can breathe. You have to ask for help. It’s OK.

We humans are so silly, we see someone hurting or affected by disease or loss and we genuinely want to help, in some way but we don’t know how to say it or what is allowed so we express it as best we know how. In the form of a statement, it is almost always the same – If there is anything I can do, just let me know…know there is help. do not carry your burden alone.

I have learned a great admiration for those who do not ask, they just show up and meet a need. Thank you. (there is a important life lesson in this behavior)

Ask questions. Ask about the medication, the reason for the action, what is the risk, what is the potential benefit, etc. All healthcare professionals do not necessarily have your best interest in mind. Take time to ask and write it down. I cannot tell you how many times Myra and I have heard the same thing in the same room from the same individual but we both heard something different. I have a journal of the times we have had important appointments where I wrote down what the person was saying.

Be patient. I am not but you should be.

Find an outlet. Lots of people try to genuinely help by getting in or trying to get in your space. Find a safe place in a small number of people and go there. Remember you are fragile, don’t trust your inner feelings and thoughts to everyone. That would be a recipe for disaster.

Make time to be available to your loved one when they want someone to lean on. Your “it.”

Leave nothing unsaid between loved ones.

Find a way to live, even in the presence of hope crushing news.

Do not let the disease kill you too. This can happen on several levels if you allow it. Don’t.

Don’t be hard on yourself. You will make mistakes. You will drive and wonder where you are going, make wrong turns, sub-consciously or otherwise make wrong turns driving from point A to point B.

I love the Bible passage in Psalms 103:14 where the Lord remembers how we are formed, He remembers we are dust. Nothing special until He breathed the breathe of life into us. Allow Him to keep doing that.

I think His remembrance of us being just dust is why at least in my mind He has a smile on His face each time He picks us up and dusts us off…again and again.

Learn to count on that…I have. 

Life Unexpected

 

Gray – Through the journey I have had enough of hospitals, insurance questions, medical bills, people (long story), cancer and drug education, stress, concerns, doubts, etc. and seeing a loved one suffer to last me a lifetime. I am sure I will not emerge from this experience the same. I am hoping for better but that will not be the case in some areas of my life. Myra and I have been forced to reorder our lives and dance with a partner not of our choosing. I keep telling myself it is not our fault, its not my fault, we never planned to be here, never wanted to be here and I have the deepest sorrow and respect for anyone who comes this way.

Myra and I both were perfectly happy living life working on careers and enjoying being empty nesters. Then life unexpected happened. I will never forget I was in a staff meeting when Susan, our Admin Assistant opened the door pointed at me and indicated for me to step out – now! Myra was in my office. I saw the look on her face and shut the door. She broke down crying with the memory of her mothers death of a cancer a couple years earlier. We talked. We cried. We decided to face every day as best we could no matter what happens. The next day I went with Myra to an appointment where she had a full body scan done. Nothing has been the same since. Life unexpected happens… to us all.

It happened to the Samaritan woman recorded in John 4 who when just going through her day had an encounter that changed her life. I love this story, Jesus the Christ positioned Himself where he would be right in the path of a person who needed Him. Wow. She had spent a lifetime making bad choices, you know just like you and me. She was a real person. He is a true redeemer of our lives…and choices. She was never the same. He hasn’t changed.

Life unexpected happened to Myra who while in the hospital had a stranger who through this blog got to know her and brought her a freshly baked loaf of bread so that Myra could have communion. Thank you Jane.

Life unexpected happened to me the other day at work. I had on my “work hat” and focus when a sweet lady I had not seen in months stopped me while on my way to retrieve something from my office and hugged me. She said she was so sorry. I got caught off guard. I told her I didn’t know she even knew she said “I know”. She ministered to me. It took me a couple of minutes to compose myself.

Some tough guy. Hmmm, I told you I will not be the same.

Another life unexpected moment came from a friend when after reading in a previous blog I had recently called a funeral home and while waiting to speak to a Funeral Director had hung up the phone told me they would make that call. Can you believe that? I can’t.

I got to witness another life unexpected moment when on our last day in the hospital Myra received a card from the staff on 2nd GI. She was moved deeply and took Cindy’s, Bridget’s and Keirsten’s hands and prayed blessings over them and their families. 

This has been some journey, the most incredible one of my life so far. I find the Christ keeps positioning Himself where He is right in our path. Yours and mine.

I will never be the same…

He hasn’t changed.

Life To The Max

 

Gray – I had a very sobering moment yesterday as Myra prayed over her breakfast of soy milk over Wheaties and dates I had prepared. She prayed for God to show her how to best be used from her chair upon which she resides.

Did you hear what I said?

She prayed to the Eternal, all Powerful, Immutable, Omnipresent Creator of the universe for wisdom how BEST to be used from her chair. The chair is a loveseat couch five feet from the bed she sleeps in. That is pretty much her living space. Her world. But she is connected to the internet and this blog she has written in recently. She is very careful not to speak a negative word out of her mouth and to see she is surrounded by good teaching and praise and worship music. I think I would ask for or in my ego demand even some sense of fairness for the condition she is in.

I remember seeing a Larry King show on TV when he had Billy Graham on as a guest. He questioned Billy as to his then current health situation which was not good and the fairness of bad health on good people. I will never forget Billy Grahams answer as he told Larry how he would cherish the lessons God could teach him through such an experience.

Larry was speechless… So was I. Larry encountered an individual who having spent time in the presence of God so much that he trusted God to redeem anything that occurred in this lifetime. Read the story of Ruth and understand God is a Redeeming God. God is always looking to redeem the situation and condition of mankind if us humans would only allow Him to.

During our stay on the 2nd floor of Forsyth Medical Center having spent five weeks there Myra and I formed relationships with the staff. I remember one nurse who describing her ex-husband said “he was a mess, a beautiful wonderful mess”. I think she so eloquently described the human condition – a beautiful wonderful mess.

In John 10:10 God spoke once for all time when He said through the writer – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

It makes no difference whether you are a CEO of a major corporation or limited by disease to a chair five feet from your bed. The offer of life to the full stands. What’s it going to be?

Great Reunion Day

Spread the news it was so good to be back in church yesterday!!!! How I praise God for His healing touch that allowed me to attend service.  I didn’t share long but wanted to pass along an update concerning the past 6 weeks.  God has worked a miracle.  The fact that my digestive track is healed; I’m eating and my strength is returning.

Now we keep speaking to the cancer to leave and watch God do what He wants.  My life is His so I’ll rest in His care.  We’ve won!  Satan thought he was taking me the week of Christmas but God said ‘No!’.  The journey continues.

The church family celebrated and praised God; now let’s not be weary in doing well for in due season we will reap a great harvest if we faint not.

Please don’t weaken in your prayers!  We must be strong and unified to the finish.

Love you

Surreal Life

 

Gray – Have you ever felt like life is surreal? You know not really happening like you think. As if this is a dream and you hope to wake up soon. Welcome to my world.

I used to go through life thinking it was explainable, safe even. Not anymore. Everyday everything you think of as normal or regular is at risk of being changed or ending. I haven’t written lately because I am confused, too confused to put logical thought to this space.

Let me try to explain. Do think Peter the Apostle had any idea what a day could bring when he sincerely and I mean sincerely responded to Jesus in Luke 22 when Jesus said to him  “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; ³² but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” ³³ But he said to Him, “Lord, with You I am ready to go both to prison and to death!”

Prison and death! Prison and death? Are you kidding? You can count on me!. He did not sound so proud a short time later around a the coldest fire a man can experience. A cold fire of reality. The reality of what a day can bring. However he did strengthen his brothers later just as Jesus had said.

I don’t mean to come across only as negative, a day can bring joy beyond measure. Remember the day your child was born? You got married? That promotion or big break you had hoped for? A place of your own? Your first kiss of true love…or your last? Us humans live for these days but pass them by too quickly.

I have recently had an experience I have been trying to put into words but they escape me. Myra was not supposed to come out the front door of the hospital. That fact had been clearly explained to me…But she did. She rolled out out that door  with a smile on her face. Some of her newest best friends from the second floor helping her, Cindy pushing the wheelchair. Helping her go home.

Myra said yesterday “it is so nice not to have to sleep and eat in the same place” meaning the hospital bed. She was expected to die there. Instead she was nursed back from the brink. By people who loved her, by a God who said “not yet”.

She still keeps one eye closed due to double vision and is very weak but today again she ate well and tomorrow a couple of her newest best friends Bridget and Keirsten are coming to see her. I hope they take time to enjoy the sight of a miracle.

You never know what a day may bring. Good or otherwise. Life is neither safe or fun some days… The bad days pass. Enjoy all life brings you today, you won’t get another chance when this day has passed.

On To Victory

Words can’t begin to thank you for the blessing of all your prayers and concern for our family during this very difficult time.  God has been extremely faithful in bringing us from death to life.  One of the things that God showed me over this last month that even in the darkest of situations He has prepared a way.  I am convinced that the week after Christmas Satan had come to take me but God said no it was not time.  I thank Him for His healing touch in my digestive track and the ability to eat and regain strength once again.  In the midst of so much pain and fear God had prepared a medical team that ministered not only to my body but to my heart and emotions.  The Forsyth Memorial Hospital second floor staff and Dr. Wolff became an oasis during a very unknown time.  They ministered understanding and encouragement to me.  Satan thought he was moving in to take but God moved in to restore.  So for now I am eating and growing stronger and asking you to join me in reminding Satan that he will not decide the day of my death.  God still heals and I believe the cancer has been defeated by love and the blood of Jesus. 

Gray has done a wonderful job as a nurse and I am truly impressed at how he takes care of me without any fear or apprehension.  Please know visiting is appreciated.  I just ask that you keep the visits short and not too often so that others may have a chance to come.

Jesus has won the battle so we continue to stand.  God loves you and me and He has great plans for us.  To Dr. Wolff and 2nd floor staff at FMH thanks for everything.

February Grass

 

Gray – We have settled into home life now. Myra’s medications regulated to provide her the needed comfort after a difficult transition from the care of the nurses in second GI. I am administering the drugs at the times needed. Myra is resting well now. I am glad. I ask her the questions I learned in the hospital. What is your pain level from 1 to 10 with 1 being no pain and 10 the most severe? Where does it hurt? What do you need? Can I get you anything? I hope to make the staff of second GI proud.

This thought crossed my mind today. Living in North Carolina most all the grass has turned brown by this time of year having been bitten by the winter frost. I have noticed recently the grass in my yard has begun to change. It is beginning to green up as it does in Spring, encouraged by a very mild January. I share the hope of green February grass. It hopes against hope for an early start on the year and for a unlikely long growing season. The natural way of the seasons says this will not be the case.

I hope against hope for a long life for my Myra. The medical reports say otherwise. She is stronger than she has been! She is no longer bed ridden! She is able to walk on her own! She is eating well having recently put on some weight! She actually sat up in bed today without help for the first time in over a month. She still has not surrendered her mind or body to disease!

Green February grass and I continue to cling to hope…the hope of long life.   

We Made It Home

 

Gray – We were able to get home yesterday and are transitioning from the convenience of the nurse call button always within reach that provided the best of care to setting things up so we have what is needed. The transition caused Myra’s medications to be a little out of sorts and her pain has returned but is so far manageable. We are working to correct this but do not care for visitors until we get settled in more appropriately.

The Journey Continues

 

Gray for Myra – When Christmas eve rolled around I really had no idea how sick I was. My body unable to process food even ice chips for 4 days was beginning to shut down but God had prepared a way. At the hospital the attending doctors discovered that radiation had damaged 2/3 of my digestive track, there were no options except the digestive system would have to heal on its own. God in His Mercy Said “not yet” and my body began to recover. It has been a miracle to see my digestive track heal, my strength return and as of this morning I have put on weight for the first time since being diagnosed. I praise God for this miracle. My blood work is good and so we are planning to head home on Friday. There is much we still don’t understand but God has given us a second chance to see His Glory Revealed. Be brave, the body is being restored but the cancer must leave.

This Sunday may be super bowl Sunday for the NFL but this Sunday is also super bowl Sunday for New Beginnings Assembly where we will commemorate its fifth anniversary. So come and celebrate what God has done through you in the first 5 years of ministry at New Beginnings. 

Love you all, hope to see you soon as this journey continues.

Impacting People

 

Gray – I have written before about the principles upon which New Beginnings Assembly church where Myra Pastors and I attend were founded. Living the Word – Following the Spirit – Impacting people. This came back up late last evening and I will get to why but first let me tell you about the day and my train of thought.

As I write this I had no idea Myra and I would still be living in this hospital on January 31st when we arrived Christmas Day. I got to thinking about the hospitals we have stayed in and specifically the rooms and the people we interacted with while there. I can’t remember the room number we stayed in on the 4th floor at M D Anderson hospital in Houston but it was the same room following both kidney and right arm bone reconstructive surgeries but I remember the sight, sounds and feel of anxiety and hope experienced there.  When we were there for the arm surgery recovery there were several people who remembered Myra from our previous stay months earlier because of the impact Myra had on them. I cannot remember the room number over at Baptist hospital but it was on the next to top floor and I saw the medical helicopter at eye level from about 50 feet away as it came in for landing. I remember the sweet young nurse who cared so lovingly for Myra and told us of losing a childhood friends’ mother to cancer as the reason she was on the Oncology floor. She and others there remember Myra for her kind spirit and me most likely for my impatience on departure day (another story for another time).

I remember the room number 7172 here in Forsyth Medical Center where we stayed in early December while Myra’s pain was so severe. I remember Dr. Lyerly explaining to us the hard truth of Myra’s condition with cancer having advanced into new areas. I remember the Emergency room we spent Christmas Day in. I clearly remember room 2207 where we were for three days before Bridget sent us to transitional ICU because of Myra’s soaring heart rate as well as the people in the ICU. I know here in 2437 the impact Myra has on the workers here from the doctors, nurses, nutritional staff and nurses assistants. She spreads life everywhere she goes.

Earlier tonight around 11 PM a nurse from the 7th floor here from when we lived in room 7172 stopped by to check on Myra. Her name is Alyssa. She told Myra she has been a nurse for a while but Myra was the first patient she continued to follow after leaving her care. She told Myra she had made a huge impact in her life because she remembered Myra telling her how God was Good all the time. Myra was Living the Word, following the Spirit and impacting people. I left them alone for a few minutes in the room but as I was leaving I heard Myra tell Alyssa she loved her as she took her hand. Myra taking the opportunity to have more impact.

I struggle a lot some days now but the worst for me are when Myra is in pain or when she is teary. I think they remind me I am helpless in many ways. Today was a teary day for Myra. I’m glad it ended well. Have you ever wondered if God sends you what you need exactly when you need it. Stop wondering. What impact are you having?